You know you are in trouble when...

you get handed an ominous, unmarked three-ring binder on the first day of class. It can't be lifted, and can't be closed because of how full it is. The class is three weeks long, three days a week. Count it: 9 days.

The first page of the binder reads: Epidemiology for the Uninitiated.

You know you're in trouble when you can't pronounce the first word of the first page of a binder over three inches thick that is supposed to be read for a 9 day class. With a terminology exam at the end, and a presentation in just two days.

Dear god, still my beating heart, I think it has fled my body.

Epi- what?

Epi- de- ME- ology?

Epi-did- me- what?

Epi-do-me-how?

oh dear lord, STA-TIS-TICS!

Epi-get-me-out-now!

Say the word, say it proud:

Epidemiological Applications in Medical Anthropology.

It helps to say it real s-l-o-w and l-o-w with a facial expression of seriousness I can't muster.

I think we should infuse a bit of new blood into academia... if I can rap this subject, I might be able to remember one or two things about it:

Epi-epi-epi-heh!

Epidemiology

the study of what?/it's hard to say...

the study of groups/and disease states

numbers of truth/so subjective

empirical what?/you wanna know how?

how many have fallen/how many remain

what measures have taken/and what lays unclaimed?

it doesn't make sense/even in rhyme

no wonder no one knows/how the subject's defined

you gotta hire an epidemiologist

to figure it out

but they'll leave you befuddled

and still full of doubt!

You want me to remember/all these statistics?

I'll start with the word, thanks....

I'm still learning to pronounce it!